Got Wedding Etiquette?

  It seems that when a couple decides to marry it is just one joyous party after another until the final bash, better known as the wedding reception.   Scenes from the Wedding Crashers are now dancing in my head.   Sorry for the detour; moving on... Each party comes with its own set of etiquette rules and traditions.   For example, some pre-wedding parties are typically gift-giving events, such as the wedding shower, while the bachelor, bachelorette, and engagement parties are not.   And what about the wedding reception?   What if the couple decides to marry out of state and most close friends and relatives cannot attend?   Is it proper to host a belated reception?   And, if it is proper, how long after a wedding is it appropriate to host a reception?   So many questions. Perhaps a bit of Q & A can guide us toward being better, more polite, guests and hosts, while answering all those pesky questions.   Do I attend my friend'...

  Angry Social Media Posting Brides Commit Major Etiquette Faux Pas     Alarming as it may be to those who know better, it appears that many are unaware of the simplest of etiquette rules: Be grateful when someone gives a gift.   With these days of skyrocketing travel costs and cash-strapped wallets, this is especially true for wedding gift recipients.   After all, attending a wedding can be awfully expensive for guests. As an etiquette consultant, I feel the need to offer a manners tutorial due to a couple of recent exceptionally bizarre bridezilla stories floating around the Internet.   What are the stories? One unappreciative bride chastised a guest via text message about a gift basket filled with gourmet goodies he gave instead of cash.   The other gag-inducing story involved a financially struggling guest the bride publicly chastised via social media for giving a less than adequate cash gift.   Honestly, I'm not making this up. ...

  Dear Polite One, Is there any funny wording that you can think of for re-inviting guests to a wedding that had previously (one year ago) been canceled? Much appreciation, Renata Hello Renata, I’m not really that clever.  But I suppose you could use wording such as “We promise to make it down the aisle this time!” Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Listing late father as host? How to address the envelope to two doctors? Listing all parents and one is a judge?

  Dear Polite One, I'm the father of the bride and my daughter's fiancé just canceled the wedding a week before it was to take place.  I'm out thousands of dollars and was wondering what the groom’s family would be obligated to help with.  Thanks in advance! Thank you, Dad Dear Dad, Parents are no longer financially responsible for their children’s weddings.  So, the groom’s parents are not responsible for anything.  It was your daughter and her groom’s expense, so they are responsible.  But there are no formal ‘rules’ concerning this.   If there is a next time, please remember that children should pay for their own weddings.  They are quite capable.   Sincerely, The Polite One More From The Polite One Should I invite the groom’s mother dress shopping? May I invite guests only to the wedding? Which is the bride’s side of the church?

Dear Polite One,  My daughter's wedding is in 45 days.   Originally, she only wanted her best friend to be MOH but knew another friend would be upset if not chosen. Her solution was to make them co-maids of honor. This past month "Vicky" has been disruptive to the entire process. She screamed at the seamstress just because she did not use a tape measure, told her that she was stupid and didn't know anything.   This behavior persisted while shopping because one of the registry items was not available.   Worse, this is the store my daughter worked for two years.   Then came the shower this past weekend. She and the other MOH did the planning and buying.   She also chose not to contact any of the other four bridesmaids for help or money for the food they purchased. The shower was more than uncomfortable.   Vicky sulked the entire time.   When my daughter-in-law, also a bridesmaid asked if she could help in the kitchen, she was told not to b...

  Hi Polite One, My sisters are making my wedding planning difficult for me. They refuse to wear the purple color or any my other preferences, like periwinkle.  They want to choose their own color such as black.  In fact, my older sister told me that the bride does not pick the color of the bridal party.  That’s just absurd.   No? Thank you, Fed Up Dear Fed Up, This is a wonderful example of why including sisters may not be a great idea.  All the sibling rivalries are included.  So, you can just let them know that if they would rather not be involved in your wedding, you will understand.  But, if they wish to be, they will behave.  The bride chooses her colors and dresses.  If they don’t believe you, send them to me. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Bride Doesn’t Wants Alcohol or Dances at Reception As a Destination Wedding Guest, Am I Responsible for My Travel Expenses? Skip Traditional Seating of...

Dear Polite One,  I divorced my daughter's dad 3-1/2 years ago. The marriage was over 5 years ago, but I still lived with him. I have had a boyfriend for 3-1/2 years and love him dearly. His family has taken me in, and we are just like in-laws, only better. My boyfriend's mom opened her home to me while waiting for a job in another part of the state where boyfriend and I have joint property. And now she’s doing it again.   Since my family will travel 1,000 miles to attend the wedding, she offered to let the whole family, 8-10 of them stay in her house. The invitations just arrived.   Neither my boyfriend nor his family was invited because she’s afraid of how awkward it will be for her dad. I'm hurt by my daughter's choice and feel she’s playing “the bitchy bride” role.    What to do ? Invite them anyway? Refuse to pay for any of the wedding and just show up? Hurt, Pain and Tears in Oregon Dear Hurt and Pain, I feel your pain, but this is your ...

Dear Polite One , I found your site on Google and feel you could answer a sticky question regarding wedding etiquette.  My niece is getting married and has limited seating at the reception.  Invitations were sent out for the number of seats available.  The RSVP cards are now coming back with acceptance for more than were invited.  For example, if the invitation was for Miss Smith, Miss Smith responded for herself and a guest. Another example is Mr. & Mrs. John Doe responded with Mr. & Mrs. John Doe and Johnny (the son).  How is the mother of the bride supposed to handle these rsvps for people who were not initially invited on the invitation?  Thank you for your response to this sticky situation. Susan Dear Susan ,  This is a common problem with no real answer.  We use the inner envelopes so we can write exactly who is invited yet our guest insists on adding their own names to the response card.  My job is to tell ...

  Not that it happens often, but sometimes couples realize their next move isn’t wedded bliss—not to each other, that is.   Unfortunately, this sudden realization can happen close to the wedding date.   Yikes!   If this decision only affected the couple, most would simply console the couple and encourage both to move on.   That’s not the reality in many cases.   Most often, a wedding affects many family members and friends.   Some of the affected are cash-strapped, previously attached at the hip, bridal attendants.   The unfortunate truth is these tireless cheerleaders of the bridal couple are often stuck with insanely ugly attire and travel fees for a wedding that suddenly disappeared like that sock that went into the dryer but vanished during the last dry cycle.   What to do??   Let’s find out. Dear Polite One, I thought the bride and I were closer, but I'm very disappointed in her behavior.   She and her fiancé br...

  We often consider domestic abuse as a problem couples have—too many, in fact—but, probably not surprisingly, abusive parents are just as common.   When this is an issue, the child victims are, understandably, traumatized for life.   Still, when we have a major life event, we may feel the pull to involve that parent.   Should we? How do we respond to those asking about that parent when not invited? Dear Polite One, My mother is an abusive drug addict, so I do not associate with her.   Thus, she is not invited to my wedding.   What can I say to those asking about my family?   I have none besides her, so there will be no family on my side of the aisle.   Also, how do I word the program?  For "seating of the mothers" I have nothing to say.   Trying to Appear Calm Dear Trying to Appear Calm, Unfortunately, your situation is not uncommon, although I wish it were.   When guests ask about your mother or family, don...

  On a scale of ‘forgetting to invite your second-grade teacher’ to ‘forgetting to invite your mother ,’ forgetting to include a reception card in a wedding invitation is near the middle of the wedding catastrophes.   It’s noticeable but not tragic.   I’m going to try to get this scale balanced right here.   Dear Polite One, After mailing my invitations , I realized that I had forgotten to include the reception card.   Guests won't know where to go!   What to do?? Stuffed envelopes Dear Stuffed Envelopes, Yikes! This is repairable, but it will take some doing. If yours is a less formal wedding, you could call each person explaining the situation and all details.   Alternately, you can buy blank cards, write an explanation, and include the reception card. This may be costly but is the best choice. Don't worry.   You'll have this sorted out soon and it will be something you will laugh about for years to come.   Sincerely, ...

  As silly as it must sound to some, many mothers dream of sharing wedding planning with their daughters.   There’s just something about spending that precious time with a daughter that is incomparable to any of our previous experiences.   We want, and at times, need to feel needed and important in her life.   Many of us may feel as if this is our last chance to feel like this.   So naturally, if we are excluded from the wedding planning—by anyone other than the bridal couple—we could feel depressed, anxious, or even angry.   If we are replaced by someone else?   Well...that’s even more maddening.     Dear Polite One, As mother of the bride, I assumed I would be involved in planning my daughter's wedding.   But no.   Since my husband's new wife is wealthy, she has taken it upon herself to buy everything, and has planned everything.   I didn't know until recently about any of it.   I'm not even listed first o...